We are so excited for a new baby! I know ultrasound pictures usually kind of look like a blob, but the Dr. said the baby's head is at the top there next to the round empty circle. You can actually kind of make out an arm too just below the head. Compared to Aiden's first ultrasound this one looks alot more like a baby :)The due date right now is January 6th. Aiden is pretty anxious and keeps asking when "that person is going to come out of my tummy." He is convinced it's a girl. I asked him why, and he listed off a bunch of his friends who all have sisters. He said that brothers just need sisters, guess you can't argue with that logic. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.
The news of a new baby has been long awaited in the Hayes house. Anyone who has been around kids any amount of time knows they can teach you more than you feel like you ever teach them. I expected that when Aiden was born, and he has taught me so much, but I never knew I could learn so much while waiting for a child. This last year has been kind of rough for us in a lot of ways...Steve was laid off, we made a huge decision to leave behind a home and friends and move a long way away looking for work, and there were other trials. Trials that for me emotionally I thought were too big to get through.
I had a miscarriage about the same time Steve found out he lost his job. I don't think there is anything that can prepare you for the loss of an expected baby. One moment we were planning how life would change and the next that was all taken away. I know I wrote in my journal a few weeks later that I couldn't understand why. I wasn't learning anything from this, what was the point. I'm not saying I fully understand now, there still seems to be this hole and there are still moments when what was lost hits me all of the sudden. But I have learned some things:
As it says in the Bible in Ecclesiastes there really is A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. I tried to ignore my emotions often. Thinking it wasn't fair to Aiden or Steve or who knows who else. But we were sent into this life to learn the good from the bad and to experience the joy and the grief.
Our expections of how our lives should be may not always be in line with Heavenly Father's better view of our life, even if what we hope for is a good thing. I am not saying I am not happy. I am, but I honestly expected things to be different at this stage in my life. I think this is the biggest obstacle I've had to come to terms with; righteous expectations that are not always fulfilled when we want them to be. There is a sense of peace that comes not from giving up on those righteous hopes, because they will be fulfilled eventually, but in realizing that it may not happen on our timetable.
We feel so blessed that this pregnancy has been normal so far and can't wait till January!
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